Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
