I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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