I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
