he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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