Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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