I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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