I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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