No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
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