first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
