it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize