i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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