I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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