TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
