I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
