smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
