Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
