I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I want to have your abortion
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
