Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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