Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
