I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
