Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
