What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
