i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish I only lived at night.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
