My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
