batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
