let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
