I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
