I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am available for nakedness
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
