Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
