Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize