Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
