I haven't been this sober since birth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
bring money and cleavage
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
