There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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