You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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