if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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