the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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