Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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