Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
