What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
