Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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