if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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