Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
