those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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