is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Text me some of your sweat
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
