Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My bed smells like the plague
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
