dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
