I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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