Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize