Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
