I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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