Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
