I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she woke up with a sticky ear
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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