I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
