i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
