just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
