How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
