HIV tests are more positive than that guy
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
