I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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