mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
