Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
