Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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