your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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