Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
