i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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