I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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