You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
