saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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