I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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