Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
there is glitter all over my balls
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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